☣ introduction

hello everybody !! welcome to the place where ya can read about myself..took some time to be made didnt it ? yeah yeah i already know that, whoops ! anyways..im a nonbinary transmasc bigender girl...boy..thing from brazil ! i live in an extremely boring area but not the most boring area ever...still kinda hate it tho, either way its alright i guess, i love many things, all wich you can read right here on this boxes left !

i am severely mentally ill and it kinda sucks but i live with it, its just something that happens, i have lots of issues in my head but everybody does so its okay, i like that as humans we can bond over somethin like pain, pain sucks but bonding is great and i am glad for that...i am, aswell as being mentally ill, neurodivergent and proud ! my neurodivergency like any other may cause problems on my life but without it i wouldnt be me and i love me so as bothersome as it can be i love this as much as most parts of myself

id describe both the largest flaw and biggest virtue to be how explosive and hyperemotional i am, im way too passionate about many things, most wich do not matter that much, its most likely a byproduct of autism, trauma, mental illness, and just growing up chronically online. ive been extremely onlie since the age of at least six, it was both the worst and best thing that could happen to me..ive had since i was thirteen consistently way more online friends than irl friends, at a point i isolated myself completly from real life friends since i was fourteen, im now in college and now im trying to fix that by trying to get new friends in it.. with varying degrees of sucess. its been fun, i actually really like college since it is the one chance i have to make new friends in real life my age :) i also kinda partialy love learning even if my subgect highkey fucking BLOWS, but its alright ill make it

i live life with a "if its not okay its not the end" mentality, as much of a negative hateful person i can be i am really optimistic and that optimism has helped me stay alive for incredibly long, i try and see good on every person and if i fail or there is no way of giving a second chance i get an almost fatal feeling of disapointment, at least sometimes, others it is really hard..at the same time that i do that i suffer from incredibly heavy black and white autistic thinking..some people have said it is "splitting" but idk if i have bpd so im not gonna say its that, however if i do god i have that and holy shit it is big AND noticable...i am the type of person to get my hopes up too much then get them broken in front of me and break down. my first thoughts when something bad happen are usually either "its gonna be okay in the end" or "I NEED TO COMMIT SUICIDE" or the first being thought and then the other, its complicated, its all complicated, were all confusing as fuck as people and kind of messed up but its okay and in fact good that is the case, were all ugly and without being kind of ugly wed never be beautiful

i love the internet as harmful as it can be to me, it is the most human place somebody could be at...millions of brains, takes, backgrounds, all available from a click or a flicker, to me nothing will convince me that is not beautiful as much as this world tries to do so...the world is ugly and terrible as much as it is beautiful to me, it tries to disproove me this each and every day but i have promised to myself i will do my best and fight the world about its uglynes, i will probably bring impending doom onto myself through this but hey, that isnt the end...the end is when i die, and when i die...itll probably not be in so far because i live in the country that kills the most trans people...but its alright, everybody dies i guess..kinda sad but its true and probably necessary, for now ill keep seeing the world as beautiful, to my future self whos reading this i hope you think so too, i hope the worlds as beautiful to you as it is to me, and i think thats all i have to say